sleepy times

two

2012-02-08T04:53:00.000-08:00

i dont wanna go to schoooooooool

i wanna see my friendsssssssss

no one will be my friend at school gurrrrppp

so sick of people confusing my gender

do i need to wear a fucking 10 inch badge on my chest

saying "JUST TO LET YOU KNOW, I AM A BOY"

fucking dicks

how do i even look like a girl

i look in the mirror and see a BOY

I AM A FUCKING BOY!

THE END!

theres this kid at school in my ancient history class...

who looks like benoit magimel in "the piano teacher"

and i just imagine him being in that movie and its so fucked

EVERYTHINGS FUCKED

i am fucked

let me florish in the winds

and the blue STICKY FLOWERS

AND COVER MYSELF IN PURPLE BLOOD

and dance in the meadows..

while the sunny fields surround me

and the sun shines bright orange

the sky is pastel bLOO

and its just me and you..

and everything's

PERFECT.

2012-02-06T06:50:00.000-08:00

i am so fucking pathetic

i repulse everyone

even people who once enjoyed my company

everyone is disgusted by me eventually

soo pathetic

i want to kill myself

why cant you let me

why cant it end

why cant it be over

"oh thats just andy no one cares about him"

"you can use him however you like"

is basically what i have to live with

i am pathetic

just admit that i repulse you

its okay, i know im ugly

i know that you dont care

wheres the sign of caring?

please show me

if i dont hear by you from next week

i will want to end my worth

because no one really cares about me

besides my mum, and my brother

why would anyone else want to deal with me?

my insecurities, and my fucking pathetic personality

i just want to be loved

is it that much to ask for..

i dont give a fuck if you are some random anon sending me a message like

"i think you are the most beautiful"

if you did, you would SHOW ME WHO YOU ARE.

stop LYING TO ME

remember when you actually cared about me

i miss those days

i am probably wrong, maybe im delusional

but this is how i feel and i cannot change it

for now

on the only positive note, i won this sweater today on ebay:

and i only have one class tomorrow

i wonder where you are

2012-02-04T04:30:00.000-08:00

this is going to be the longest week

my life

2012-02-02T02:47:00.000-08:00

here have a gif of me being gross

i hate ME

i want to be what i imagine

i want to go on adventures with mr fish..

oh i miss mr fish

9 days

i hope he doesnt read this blog

he must think i am pathetic im sorry

im sorrryyy

anyway, school is getting better

still have no friends but i am okay with this for now

atleast i am getting out of the house

and not all my days are full days

and the weekend is soon thank goodness

i hate me

go away depression

i hate it

i hate my dreams..

i dream of my friends leaving me

and mr fish leaving me

everyones leaving

in my dreams and in reality too

i just want a hug

i think i have a good enough reason...

2012-02-01T03:25:00.000-08:00

nnnglll i hate myself

this is going to be the longest 10 days of my life

and what if it doesnt work?

what if he decides its not meant to be anyway

what if he leaves me here just hanging

i am so scared for that

because i honestly dont know what i would do

besides kill myself

because i couldnt take it

i literally could not handle it

and what if it extends longer for some reason

or what if i have to wait another year

until i can see him again

i couldnt handle it

everyone is growing up around me

all of my friends have someone

i used to be the only one who had someone..

but time has been frozen for me

and they have all moved on with their lives..

it hurts seeing my friends with their partners

i know it shouldnt, i should be happy for them

but i cant have that

what if i never have that

im so disgusting and awkward

i try so hard just to be pretty..

i will never be good looking enough

there is ALWAYS someone better

this is why i dont go on tumblr as much

because im sick of seeing all the pretty people

on my dashboard all the time

i just want to dig a hole in the ground

and bury myself inside it forever

all alone

he has probably moved on already

everyone moves on from me

everyone forgets me

eventually

first day

2012-01-30T02:35:00.000-08:00

i had an awful day honestly

this gif sums it up

it was my first day of a new school since i moved

i lost my IPOD

UGHHHHHHH i hope that its at lost and found

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH its my BABY

i had no one to talk to all day..

no one said hi.. everyone ignored me

i spoke to a couple teachers but that was it

and then the teacher thought i was a girl

ughhhh so embarrassing

i hope its better tomorrowwww

i only have 1 class tomorrow which is good

but it goes for 2 hours glsjglkdg

each class is 2 hour

I AM GOING TO DIE

IT IS GOING TO BE SO HARD

TO GET USED TO

hdhfdjskj

vlog 1

2012-01-29T01:11:00.000-08:00

brun

2012-01-26T02:46:00.000-08:00

dyed my hair bek to brown

so its not a piss yellow now lull

excuse the stupid girly pose

the back of my hair i dun like..

too short oh well

2012-01-25T01:30:00.000-08:00

my crown ring came yeyyy

andy feels like a special prince now

it es cute

pocket mirror came too ehehehe i love it

my webcam is horrible quality i apologise

today i got a haircut

it is a bit too short ; __;

and poofy at the back kinda.. oh well

im dying it a brown color tomorrow

murp

DREAM DIARY

2012-01-22T20:08:00.000-08:00

yume nikki rubber straps arrived finallEEEEE

^__^

took a couple months to arrive i think..

(i chose the cheapest shipping method so i expected this)

i ordered them from amiami

the people were very helpful

i want to take them out but im too scared

coz of how desirable they are lul

but then i figure you only have one life

so who cares im gonna die eventually anyway

pluppilup

2012-01-22T03:35:00.000-08:00

today was my bros birthday

twas nice, he turned 22

we went to hogs breath cafe

i got a chicken WRAP

it was yummur but i couldnt finish it

and a lemon lime and bitters

i had 2 naps today

so tired 4ever

currently listening to blonde redhead

because i got my music back finally

i kind of want to dye my hair brown again

and get a haircut..

idk i just miss the natural hair a bit

i drank a whole glass of pepsi

this is a rare occurance for me

not much longer (i hope)

PLEASE BE OKAY

i dont know what i would do

if it wasnt

dont go, i'll eat you up - i love you so

andy's times

2012-01-20T03:05:00.000-08:00

andy wishes for a world alone

a-lone

if not a-lone, only one person

he wishes for mr fish to rescue him

this world makes andy sick..

so he makes his own world!

his own adventures

with his friend(s)

but mainly just mr fish!

when andy dies, he wishes to enter peace

a peaceful place, watching over

the destruction of the earth

as he sits on the moons surface

and wishes for company

arrivals

2012-01-18T23:43:00.000-08:00

stuff has arrived.

surgical mask:

ehehehehehe

my new lazy oaf school bag:

(which was the biggest hassle to get) lurrg

bear mask:

now i have many things to cover my face with!

(i dont like my face)

i still want more masks, i want to have a collection!

i placed an order for a bear hood today, yayy

still more stuff waiting for arrival

i buy too many things..

fuck temple run

2012-01-17T04:25:00.000-08:00

2012-01-16T00:21:00.000-08:00

today was pretty boring

i am alone all day by myself

i woke up at 8am and then went back to bed at 9am

and i slept til 2:30pm or something like that

i bought something for fishy once andy sees him again..

if that ever will be

i hope..soon

just incase fishy knows this blog

im not going to show it on here hehe

its nothing big..

its hardly anything at all

but its special (andy thinks)

here is andy being stupid

andy needs a crown!

i was thinking about just making one..

that way its more special, more personal

what do you think?

2012-01-14T21:31:00.000-08:00

i wasnt taking my medication for about 3 days

coz i didnt see i had a new packet.. i am so silly

so now that i am back on it, i feel so much better

i bought a few things recently online to share..

bear mask:

why not!

i love bears and i wanted a bear mask

DGAF

rilakkuma surgical mask:

because yeah, i like rilakkuma and i want a surgical mask

crown ring:

because andy is the prince!

he needs a crown.. on his fingers

girl and bear pocket mirror:

because i need a pocket mirror.. and it was cute!

-today is a rainy lovely day-

the ocean looks so sinister

i cleaned my rat's cage he is happy now

watched tv

nothing much.. byebye

holiday thingy

2012-01-13T04:17:00.000-08:00

i went to surfers paradise with my mum last thursday for 2 nights and it was lovelee

we were on the 18th floor and the view was adks;lagk;ldg

andy was thinken of mr fish the whole time hmmm i wonder why

so yur i saw a couple of my friends and we went around surfers chillen

we took purikura photos

cbf scanning, might upload later

it was really nice to see my friends

because i dont have many friends!

after that, we went back home and my friend came to stay with me for an entire week

which was so funnn

coz we are retards ehehehehehe

we watched funny games, and a bit of benny's video

we went iceskating and brady corbet was there

he so was

and it was beautiful

this was us at iceskating

you can tell we love to show our faces!

so yurr it was fun, and we went boogie-boarding in the ocean

(however you spell it )

and yee

so that is why i havent posted on here for like a week

gren

2012-01-04T03:22:00.000-08:00

today my hair was dyed green

i was pissed coz at first we couldnt find the green hair dye, they ran out

the only time i need it, its not there lel

but we asked around and found it in some random salon

so yeez, i lurv it

i bleached my underarms and dyed them green too..

but it didnt come out as vibrant, i might redye them just coz yeah

it looks like moss ehehehehehehe

excited for tomorrow eeeee

yayy

2012-01-03T04:06:00.000-08:00

im going to surfers paradise on thursday, staying there for a couple days

and im gonna hopefully see my friends and yeyyy

also tomorrow im dying my hair green and my armpits green

so wish me luck with the armpits part

i used oil paints for the first time today

its a bit strange, i think i just need better brushes

also i didnt know i needed to wash them with turpentine

so now my brushes are fuuuucked

also i got my glasses back today that i lost yesterday

YAYY coz i was panicking

the staff found them on the floor..

nothing has arrived in the mail for a while

which is something im not used to

lul

i hate all of you

andy: description

2012-01-02T02:10:00.000-08:00

andy is a 14 year old boy

it is not known where he is from; but he believes he is from the moon

his best friend is mr fish

he calls him fishy though

andy has shortish, blonde hair

and ocean-blue eyes

he is a bit more tanned than pale

he loves to draw

and he is more interested in strange things than most people

both him and mr fish go on adventures

to all the different lands

and deserts

andy loves morbidity, and blood

mr fish thinks its a bit strange

andy is 14 forever

he is always wearing one of his many hats

you will never see him without a hat!

andy and fishy do not have a real home
they live inside me

they live in the night

butterfly house

2012-01-02T01:37:00.000-08:00

today we went to the nearby butterfly house

it was verr pretty

i took lots of photos

then we stopped by the clog barn again and had tiny pancakes

and they were naice

and i lost my glasses because im so clever

=o=

when we got home i had a nap

and had a stupid dream

and now im eating pomegranite

and it is getting all over my monitor

and desk

new years

2012-01-01T02:09:00.000-08:00

new years was pretty good

wasnt alone for once which was nice

today we put a new tv in my room

so i can play ps2 and watch movies yeyy

my nose is yuck it always is yuck

i must be allergic to something in my room

jdalkjljg;hjjhjggfj

i have a headache and feel like crap

clog barn

2011-12-30T02:07:00.000-08:00

today my mum and i went to the "clog barn"

aasdaklfkg the name kills me

it was so cute, they make clogs and you can buy clog slippers

and we got breakfast, i got dutch apple cinnamon pancaekz with icecream

it was so good HURRR

they had this mini dutch village there too

so we went walking in there it was so cute and i took some photos

andy lurved it, he wanted to stay in there

it was like little wonderland

i also finished my toriningen mask today

im pretty happy with it, i just need to order a wig now

it is less white irl, i need a new webcam, handpainted thet shit

didnt take too long!

wish i could draw..

i just cant lately

...

tomorrow im going to a new years party

and im going to wear my rilakkuma overalls and just dress crazy

so that will be fun i think

bore

2011-12-29T04:52:00.000-08:00

today was a lazy day

i did nothing

my life is so interesting

stuff

2011-12-28T04:13:00.000-08:00

i like to buy a lot of things online, people may know

yesterday i ordered these cute wrist zips EEEEEEEEEEE

i dont think i will take them off when they arrive..

i dont know, i just find them so adorable!

and today i ordered a pewdiepie t shirt coz i love pewdie

if you dont know, he's a gamer and a youtuber (pewdiepie)

and he is cute and awesome and you should watch his videos

so yurr

i get a fortnightly allowence which i like to use.. (i cant save money.. it just doesnt work)

because i cant get youth allowence and my dad doesnt support me anymore

so YEE

today i went op-shopping with my mum!

i got a couple of t shirts which were nice and cheap

and my mum got her costume for the new years party

i want to go as willy wonka (johnny depp version)

but i dont know if it will work coz i dont have a black wig..

and i dont know what i would wear lul

so yurr

i have 2 dollars left

;((

that time..

2011-12-27T01:50:00.000-08:00

why do i always feel so horrible near new years time.. lurrrgg

i just want to kill myself near this time

because i cant be with you at new years..

i cannot be with you

it hurts more than any time of the year for some reason

because i know you are probably out having fun with people

and watching the lights and drinking

and just forgetting about everything

including me

while i am here, with nothing in my head

besides you

and it hurts so much

because i know its true

even if you say it isnt

i feel like everyone is having so much fun at this time of year

i wish i could be having fun with you

i wish we could lay on the road next to the streelights

illuminating..

and listen to the fireworks

and watch the stars

and then everything is quiet

and its just us

and it just is

but i cant have that

and i never will

boxing day

2011-12-26T03:12:00.000-08:00

today we went out shopping on boxing day just for lulz

coz we had never done it before

it was so chaotic..

never again

but i got some nice things, i got some new shorts, like a coral color

a new hat

and a couple of masks from spotlight

(one for my toriningen cosplay and the other just coz)

i also got this cute notebook with a fox on it

i woke up at 5:30am this morning too..

i guess its not that bad, i couldnt get back to sleep

the ocean looks sooo beautiful in the morning

coz we live right next to it, the whole lounge room views it

so i took a pictor

christmas!

2011-12-25T02:57:00.000-08:00

on friday, my brother and his friend came over which was funnn

we lan'd, playing dungeon defenders, which is a very good game

so i bought eet

we went to have lunch at the yacht club

and today was christmas!

i had already received my gifts, but i got a couple that i didnt know

i got art supplies, an easel and a drum lel

im also waiting for a painting by allison harvard

which i should get soon hopefully

right now i feel drugged or something

im so tired and bleeehhgsdj;gjd;slgj

im working on a drawing for a friend

listening to enigma

..enigma makes sexy music

2011-12-22T07:24:00.000-08:00

i was so tired today

i went to bed at like 8:30

and i woke up at around 12..

i had a weird-ass dream.. it was kind of awful

is it normal to feel pleasure in your dreams..

because i do, A LOT

i was being pleasured with electricity

by some weird person with a disorder

and it was scary

why cant i just not dream at all..

i would much prefer that to this

i wrote this a long time ago

2011-12-21T03:25:00.001-08:00

MEMORIES PT/1

I remember the motel we stayed in, 6th floor, room 12. The city outside the window, the balcony we played the ouija board on. I remember how we watched movie after movie: Akira, The Crow, Fight Club, Blue Velvet, Ghost World and Eraserhead. I remember we started hugging while watching Eraserhead. I remember the menu song repeating, and how you fell asleep lying next to me on the floor, your sleepy eyelids, your dark, long eyelashes.

I remember your freckles and pale skin, the bit of facial hair on your chin and your long, black hair between the sheets. I remember looking at you when you were sleeping and thinking, “that’s exactly how he looked like in that picture when he was asleep” and, “be in this moment while it lasts, because you are going to wish you were here again.”

I remember you waking up, and stroking my arm, your fingers were so slender and beautiful. I remember your green irish eyes staring into me, and your cute little smile. The sunrise outside, the city noises and how you switched the television off. I remember how we sat up, and you walked to the bed, to sit down. I remember how you said to me, “come here”. I remember walking over to you, sitting beside you, and how you leaned in to kiss me.

I remember saying “I don’t really know how to kiss,” and you replied, “It’s okay, just hug me.” We lay next to eachother, the matress was falling off the bed, and my hand rested on your beautiful chest. We kissed for what seemed like forever, it felt like it would never end, that beautiful, unspoken moment. The sun was seeping through the curtains, and the heat of the summer was warm and humid. There we lay, free from everything else, just us; the two adventurers.

I never finished the rest of this. I remember what happened.. it's just too much to put into words. This is a true story.

I miss you

2011-12-20T23:59:00.000-08:00

nothing

i slept most of the day

i had a very beautiful dream

i dreamed that i was flying through the night sky

over the city, and the lights where everywhere

and i flew over trains as they went past

and i was singing this song the whole time

"i loooovee youuuu"

and i felt so in love in my dream

love everywhere

my dream was love

(art by heytove@dA)

things i miss!

2011-12-20T05:17:00.000-08:00

you
your face
and your eyes
and your nose
and your freckles
and your skin
and your eyebrows
and your touch
and your cuddle
and your kiss
and your hair
and your clothes
and your smell
the waves
the city
"sometimes"
that holiday
music
feeling loved
knowing where you are
having friends
talking to you
staying with you
talking on the phone with you
videogames
people caring
feeling good
people not cancelling plans
my family (i think)
early morning sun
being awake early
going to school
going to the movies
night time
night drives
adventure
hugs
kissing
feeling comfortable
gumballs in the morning
my phone actually having reception

hair

2011-12-19T02:08:00.000-08:00

hair is fixed now

i may put some toner in it to make it more silvery

this is a silly photo

i hate you

2011-12-18T07:32:00.000-08:00

andy wants to kill himself

(but he cant)

because he loves everyone too much..

he does not want to hurt any one

i guess you could say, he is very selfless

but doesn't that make everyone else selfish?

why can't you let andy die

it's not his fault he doesn't want to live ..

andy is so scared of death

every time he's in a car, he gets scared it will crash

andy wants to die,

but not in a way that hurts!

he's seen how much it hurts..

it looks too painful for anyone to endure

but it's happened!

andy can't stop mutilating himself

he says it hurts alot

but he can't stop what he's doing

it just gets worse and worse each day ..

andy is not looking for attention

unlike so many other people!

andy knows what hurts,

he lives it everyday

but everyone complains about their lives,

you have lived nothing!

you know no pain ..

andy knows pain,

andy is pain

bleebl

2011-12-16T21:57:00.000-08:00

tomorrow i am bleaching my hair to fix this regrowth..

my hair looks so yucky right now

i havent washed it for a week

coz i want to make sure its nice and greasy so it wont come out as damaged

ehehehhehe

i wonder if anyone actually reads this

its a bit of a chore writing on here every day

i never know what to say

people are so pathetic it's hilarious

"omg i am in luv w/ u"

then the next day they break up

i shouldnt laugh because it happens to my friends all the time

but i cant help it oh man

and then the next day they have a new boyfriend

i cant understand these things

how can you move on so quickly...

it actually terrifies me, what if i cant move on?

die

2011-12-16T07:09:00.000-08:00

can i die..i cant stop thinking of you

can i die?

leave my mind

you are online right now, and i cant talk to you

and you cant talk to me

and i cant handle this mentally

please talk to me.. how much longer?

55 days left (i hope)

do not want to live

because i only live for you

(CORNY)

but true!

life is not THAT HARD FOR YOU

call me selfish, because i dont care right now

ive endured enough of this!

blurr

2011-12-14T08:05:00.000-08:00

well, today was not very productive

i woke up at 3pm and there was nothing in the mail.. sad

just lay on the couch staring at the floor for an hour

went to bed at 9:45pm and woke up at 12:45am

now its 3:03am and i still cant get back to sleep.. ive tried though

im going to the pet shop tomorrow to get coral

i feel like eating bread but we ran out

orange juice why are you the best thing in my life right now

i have the biggest headache

new t shirt

2011-12-13T04:18:00.000-08:00

crystal castles t shirt arrived today leeeellll

everyday something arrives at my house

cant be bothered taking a picture of me in it though

so i might do that tomorrow or something coz i look like shit

but yur, today i woke up at 3pm

watched tvsn for a bit and went on imvu

(everyday is the same if you cant tell)

i need to get a life, desperately!

maybe when school starts things will get more productive

i would assume so anyway

maybe i will actually make friends

because i only have 3 friends

who i live 5 hours away, i have no friends here

which sucks but yeah

idk

meebl

2011-12-12T01:14:00.000-08:00

today my cocorosie t shirt arrived

i luv et

it fits so well...american apparel why do you fit so well on me

other than that, i woke up at around 1:30

had two terrifying dreams...

watched tvsn

went on imvu

did nothing

yeah

pretty

2011-12-10T00:47:00.000-08:00

i love you, mystery man... i wonder where you are right now

you are too pretty for the eyes..it hurts

it hurts so much to look at you

every type of person. there is a type of you

green eyes, brown eyes.. skin like dreams

every spot on your skin is just..there..perfectly

by chance, or not by chance, it just is.

it is to be. and it is now. when i look at you, do you know what i can see?

something i will never see again

i want you

2011-12-09T07:06:00.001-08:00

so much

drawing

2011-12-09T00:39:00.000-08:00

i havent drawn for like a month...

so i have got my watercolor book out and i am determined to do something with it.

but what to draw? meep

i dont know.. something with an octopus in it, and influenced by fishy

why do i have to draw you in everything i do?

because you wont LEAVE My MIND alone!

drip drip drip...

stop dripping, please, nose

pissed as fuck

2011-12-08T17:25:00.000-08:00

i am so pissed

because allison did not win antm

for the second time

i literally cried

fuck it

fuck tyra banks

nigel i thought you were on our side

antm

2011-12-08T03:53:00.000-08:00

i hate you america

why do you get to watch antm cycle 17 before us fuck everything

the last episode... i am dying ... i cant do it

i need to watch it.. but there are no links.

(as of now)

i refuse to use tumblr or facebook until i find a link

because i dont want to spoil who wins

i want to watch it how i would if it were on television

im pissed

crappy

2011-12-08T01:56:00.000-08:00

i want to not feel like crap

i have been on imvu a lot because i can be anything on there

i love the internet

nose is so DRIPPY.

i have a permanent leaky nose, it never goes away

so many tissues go into my nose

some probably get stuck in there...

miss you

2011-12-04T03:26:00.000-08:00

so much! i wonder if you are missing me too, but i dont think so, because you dont show it...

other people miss me more than you, which is unacceptable. considering the circumstance,

everything i hate in a person, but i love it. go away even though i want you to come back

go with her again, please

i want to hurt so much, please hurt me even more!

on the inside..maybe on the outside too. a little. it makes me feel special

i want to literally be inside you like a parasite, very unhealthy. you already said i was to you. so thanks

just go with any of them, im sure you miss them

because you surely dont miss me

new blog

2011-12-04T02:44:00.000-08:00

this is the time for my new blog.

because i never keep up with any of them... they always end up forgotten and lonely

i promise i will try my best to update on here.

even though my life is really, incredibly unexciting and it will mostly be blabber and things i like of others..

,____,