that time..

why do i always feel so horrible near new years time.. lurrrgg

i just want to kill myself near this time

because i cant be with you at new years..

i cannot be with you

it hurts more than any time of the year for some reason

because i know you are probably out having fun with people

and watching the lights and drinking

and just forgetting about everything

including me

while i am here, with nothing in my head

besides you

and it hurts so much

because i know its true

even if you say it isnt

i feel like everyone is having so much fun at this time of year

i wish i could be having fun with you

i wish we could lay on the road next to the streelights

illuminating..

and listen to the fireworks

and watch the stars

and then everything is quiet

and its just us

and it just is

but i cant have that

and i never will