sleepy times

sometimes i forget how much it hurts

and it comes back and slaps me in thee face

and i cry

i havent cried for a while.. the medication is working too well

i literally cannot feel sad

it makes me feel like a robot

and i feel disgusted with myself 

it ends in disgust

every time it does

and i get unsure, and i forget

i get insecure

i feel like everything/one is against me

i forget people love me

because they dont
^ thats what hes saying to me inside
but i actually know.. that its not true
yet i cant get it away from me

reality comes to me
i realise that there is still so much more
still so much time to go
and immediately i think "i cant"
but thats not me speaking..

i block out people's happiness
because i literally cannot deal with it
i am so sick of people complaining to me about their trivial shit
if you are only going to talk to me to let out your internal struggles,
do not talk to me at all
i am sick of it
REALLY

i miss talking to my psychologist
that is one person i can let out everything to without being judged
oh yeah and mr fish
oh yeah i cant talk to mr fish hes only in my head

i want to get a job relating to my artwork
oh wait im not good enough for a job with art


anyway my baja hoodie came ilove it

and my 90s denim ish one..(webcam photo sorrur) its freezing today so i changed back into my pjs for the photos

i watched splice today it was a good movie..

the ending kind of got stupid though

i got too attached to dren, i wan her as my daughter i would be nicer than that stupid scientist

i am so sick of seeing a shitty webcam pic of someones lips or an arm on tumblr that gets like 1000 notes

really

really