Wednesday, 1 February 2012

nnnglll i hate myself
this is going to be the longest 10 days of my life
and what if it doesnt work?
what if he decides its not meant to be anyway
what if he leaves me here just hanging

i am so scared for that
because i honestly dont know what i would do
besides kill myself
because i couldnt take it
i literally could not handle it
and what if it extends longer for some reason
or what if i have to wait another year
until i can see him again
i couldnt handle it

everyone is growing up around me
all of my friends have someone
i used to be the only one who had someone..
but time has been frozen for me
and they have all moved on with their lives..
it hurts seeing my friends with their partners
i know it shouldnt, i should be happy for them

but i cant have that
what if i never have that
im so disgusting and awkward
i try so hard just to be pretty..
i will never be good looking enough
there is ALWAYS someone better

this is why i dont go on tumblr as much
because im sick of seeing all the pretty people
on my dashboard all the time
i just want to dig a hole in the ground
and bury myself inside it forever
all alone

he has probably moved on already
everyone moves on from me
everyone forgets me
eventually

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