i feel so alone lately but i kinda like the solitude

i feel like if people knew a certain part of me they wouldnt want to be my friend anymore

lul that sounds so stupid but its true

im such an asshole lately

^____^

i wish i could talk to finn

i seriously need someone to talk to..

whos not gonna judge me

well i hope he wouldnt judge me

everyone is so normal

eewww normal people

normal people who are innocent and oblivious

to me

i need to have a shower but i cant be fucked

i had a nap at like 6pm today and woke up at 11:30pm

my sleeping is now fucked

its now 1:04am how am i going to get to sleep this is ridiculous

i wish my dad would actually contact me..

i feel like he doesnt love me

he hasnt contacted me since my birthday (march)

and all he did was send me an e-card

yet he talks to my brother just fine.. i dont get it

im sorry i cant be like my brother

????

i dont wanna go to school tomorrow

hurry up holidays..

i have to do a speech fuck

ANXIETY ANXIETY ANXIETY

here is a new painting, its a self portrait we had to do for art class

the symbol above his head is jupiter, my favorite planet (idk why i just like it)

and the text down the bottom reads

"I'm afraid that when you look into my eyes you'll see there's nothing inside me"

(some of you may be familiar with this quote ehe)

sorry if the japanese is wrong, which im 99.9% sure it is

hurrr we have this thing at school tomrrow

and i really dont wanna go so im not going

i feel like im falling back into my "darker" self.. gurrrr

therez many parts of andy

andy cant help how he feels about certain things

ugh i feel so lame even typing shit like this

im staying up way later than usual

andy isnt friendly lately

he does not think about friendly activities

basically

btw ^ in that photo i am wearing the skin79 bb cream

its reallyyyy good, i put powder over it though (it really doesnt need it)

so im just gonna wear it without powder 

but yurr it just makes my face look better

so its good.. yes ..

i will be updating with more art shortly (a self portrait)

we had to do a self portrait for art class and yeah

i want u

new painting 

"alien fish"

mr fish visits space in andys dreams

he is unsure of what to think

watercolorz-pencil-datz it

new very small, quick painting btw

"andy has odd dreamz"

because lately he has been having ridiculous dreams.

lastnight i had a dream i was covered with maggots and i had to pull them out of my skin

what the fuck is wrong with my brain

when it is night time

and i am driving away in the car somewhere

the window is open and i feel the breeze

on my skin

and it reminds me of you so much

i look outside into the dark nothing

with the little unknown lights shimmering

i know you are out there somewhere

and i long to be with you

so much

i bought some stuff recently, sorry i do not post on here very often.. im just lazy and cannot think

here are some things..

vintage moondreamers figure (roary the lion)

he is 2 cute and i couldnt resist it okay

burgandy creepers (they are a rip-off, not the real thing)

because the real brand does not carry this color, and this is the shade i wanted

skin79 bb cream.. i have never tried a bb cream before and have heard good things about this brand so im excited to try it out (i might make a review of it when it arrives)

this fucking hat holy shit this hat was literally made for andy <33

this bunny hood thingy.. soo coot, i will remove the eyes though because i think it will look better without

celeste stein "first kiss" angel tights.. i was lucky enough to buy these as soon as they restocked because they sell out literally in hours ;___;

purpel

dyed my hair purple.. ALL MY MYSELF OW SHIT

i have never bleached or dyed my own hair before.. and mum was liek "try to learn yourself this time instead of me" coz you will be more independent

and so i did iot ajnd it DIDDNT TURN OUT LIUKE SHIT!!111

yay

wit flash on (and awkward brown contacts)

hehe

wow why the fuck am i so content right now

please I WANT TO STAY HAPPY :-)))

i finally bought some camo pants

do you realise how fucking hard it was to find some here

fucking impossible

today was okie

mum and i ordered these white reebok's which im gonna put silver studs on

i am so into shoes lately hurrr

i am getting obsessed with demonia shoes omg

i wanttttttttttttttt theeemmmmm hurrrrrrrrrrrrggggg

i was kind of thinking about starting a new youtube channel.. maybe

and do vlogs and shit

although my life is so incredibly boring i just dont think i could entertain anyone

and it would get me absolutely nowhere.. who would watch that shit

ANYWAY

urrr i was also thinking of making little brooches and selling them on etsy for maybe like, 5-7 bucks or something ^_^

and like i would draw the character on it so its also one of a kind and special and stuffs

im going to spotlight tomorrow to look for some stuff for my creashunz

here is a photo where i am not pulling a stupid face for once

i cant smile i hate my smile this is as smile as i will get

urrrr i had a good weekend

i went to supanova and stayed with murr friends for a bit

i swear to chris hansen i saw brady corbet at supanova

i swear on EVERYTHING it was him..

but i was too shy FFUUUCK WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SHYY i couldnt ask him

wells i met one famous person while i was there, i met elizabeth braithwaite from australias next top model

she was my favorite model so i was like eeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

i would upload a photo of us together, but i look SO BAD 

so until i kotify that shit, you wont see it! ehehe

here are some cool people i took photos of

cool cat thingy its eyed glowed!

Ṫ̵ͭ͊ͤ͛ͪͬ̓ͪ̈́ͮ̃̾̎͐͆͋̚͟͏͇͙͎̼̻̯O̶̷̼̯̠̓̒̇͋͂͢T̊͗͑̈́ͧͪ̇̔̅ͣͨͣͣ̄̃͛ͬ͌̚͢҉̯̬̟͕̜̩̭̺͔̜̳̬͚̱Ö̴̧́ͥ̎̅ͪ͟͏̰͖̲̹̣̩̥̺̬R̸͓͙̬͑ͬ͌̌ͥ̈́̾͌̚͠O̢̬̖̺̼̥̪̣̺̦̤̽̂ͪ͜

pyramid head<3

i bought a few things..

i got an eyeball brooch, a few cute badges, a card, "fugu mints", other stuff

i tried on these cat gloves and omg

my holidays have ended... lurrrrrrrrrrrrrgg

oh well, i went to school today and only had one class but i swear i was asleep during half of it

that new 5gum apple flavor is the best thing i have to restrain myself from buying more

i need a life

look at pudding omg he is sniffing

urrrggg i thought i had 3 weeks holiday but i only have 2

EVERYONE TOLD ME 3

SO NOW I HAVE A SHITLOAD TO CATCH UP ON

ffuuuu japanese homework.. y u exist?

anyway i got my hair shaved at thee back i love urrrt

i think i may put some pink in it again..or purple or green

this weekend ill be at gold coast supanova incase anyone sees me there awkwardly..

i feel soo alone 

no ones bothered to say hello to me these holidays

im so awkward and disgustingggg

WISH I DIDNT HATE MYSELF

^___^

wish i could be meaner to people

fuuuck

im so sad i wish i could just hug youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

i keep having dreams you are in theeemmm

and it makes me miss you SO much guhh its worse than i thought

wanna hug you forever

i still cant really believe in 18 next year

i look nothing like 18 i still look like im 14

lul

URRR I DONT KNOW I SAY THE SAME SHIT EVERY POST

sometimes i forget how much it hurts

and it comes back and slaps me in thee face

and i cry

i havent cried for a while.. the medication is working too well

i literally cannot feel sad

it makes me feel like a robot

and i feel disgusted with myself 

it ends in disgust

every time it does

and i get unsure, and i forget

i get insecure

i feel like everything/one is against me

i forget people love me

because they dont
^ thats what hes saying to me inside
but i actually know.. that its not true
yet i cant get it away from me

reality comes to me
i realise that there is still so much more
still so much time to go
and immediately i think "i cant"
but thats not me speaking..

i block out people's happiness
because i literally cannot deal with it
i am so sick of people complaining to me about their trivial shit
if you are only going to talk to me to let out your internal struggles,
do not talk to me at all
i am sick of it
REALLY

i miss talking to my psychologist
that is one person i can let out everything to without being judged
oh yeah and mr fish
oh yeah i cant talk to mr fish hes only in my head

i want to get a job relating to my artwork
oh wait im not good enough for a job with art


anyway my baja hoodie came ilove it

and my 90s denim ish one..(webcam photo sorrur) its freezing today so i changed back into my pjs for the photos

i watched splice today it was a good movie..

the ending kind of got stupid though

i got too attached to dren, i wan her as my daughter i would be nicer than that stupid scientist

i am so sick of seeing a shitty webcam pic of someones lips or an arm on tumblr that gets like 1000 notes

really

really

finished a new painten

i called it "the grey planet"

it was the first thing that came into my head and it suits it

mr fish and andy visit a new planet..

princes of the galaxies

...

took a few days to complete

btw, if anyone is looking for a commissioned painting, im verrr open to it.

(just message me on my tumblr or whatnot)

anyway, past few days have been okay

my brother came over and we all just had a chill weekend

this weekend is this festival thing i may go to

i need a hurr cut desperately

eej

eyezzzZZzzZzzzzz..........

today was a pretty good day

we watched a movie at school called monsoon wedding

i worked on this art thing 

i got a chai latte in the morning

its the best thing ever

its like drinking an angels pure tears

i have a 3 week holiday now yey

no school

i will sleep all day and rule over my kingdom

as prince andy

prince of the moons, the galaxies

reigning the lands with mr fish

mr fish keeping me company...

i wishhhh.

i want to do more paintings

ugh i keep saying i want to but i never DO

I SHOULD JUST DO IT

let it out

let it alll outtt

yes

murr wig came

excuse it.. i look like such a GURL

but thats the point, im cROSSplaying a girl

for toriningen ehehehehehehe

i may need to cut it a bit. and its going in ponytails

for 12 bucks with free shipping its spectacular

meeb

idk what to talk about

life is okay lately

this is my last week of school, then i get 3 weeks holidays

yayyyyyyyyyy

recent stuff i buy:

dis red romper scout suit thing omg

pastel-ish baja hoodie

denim-looking 90s pullover thing

this bear omg

pencil case for school

dis print

balloonz

......

i missuuuuuuuuu

i want to go to sleep 

like seriously im not just being hipster or some shit

i legit wish i could sleep forever

sleepy andy is the best andy

i miss andy

ugh im such an idiot

i need a job

i want to collect thee moniez

my tummy hurt today 

i drew in my little dumpling dynasty note book

pictoorz and words

i miss my inspiration

its april in 3 days

..../

hurry up ^____^

it will go quick dont worry andy

i hope mr fish is okay i worry about him alot

im so silly im sure he is fine

tehehehehrhfghgfjfg

anglz

birthdurr

so i turned 17 today

twas a good day, i got lots of junk food hurrrr my fav

since i already got my birthday presents i didnt get anything new

mums present arrived lul

i find it kind of ironic 

i wore my stitch kigurumi all day i forgot how much i love it

just one more yearrrrrrrr

it will go quick i dont have to worry

i had the most disturbing dream ive had in my life lastnight

i dont even want to talk about it

i dunno what else to say lul

bye

herroo

wells ive done a new painting

but i dont know if i should post it or not

because its a present for a friend and he might see it lul

but yur i like it

its my birthday on tuesday ^__^

and this weekend my friend will be coming to visit from gold coast

yeyyyy

and family friends and stuff will come over yeyyy

hopefully some stuff will arrive this week..

ive bought a few new things 

how coot is it.. the little character reminds me of myself so bad..

ugh it is andy

i got this pretty moon necklace/choker, eee its perfect, ive been looking for a moon necklace for a while now

these little bear envelopes.. hurrrr

nike t shirt.. coz i dont own anything thats nike and idk i just really like it ehehe

wig for my toriningen cosplay

gummo bunny boy patch.. i plan on sewing it on to my school bag<3

this is a present for my mums birthday soon, she loves frogs and its handmade and soo cute so yur, its a tea rest

thats a lot of stuff.. 

i also got a gorillaz raglan shirt but i cbf print screening it and pasting etc

i liek to update everyone with my purchases.. kind of like those people on youtube who do those "haul" things

except its all makeup and clothing lul

i have to finish my film review.. uhhh.. start

ta

today i wrote a poem in the library..

feeshee takes me to the planets

gracefully i melt with the stars

and we both sink into the sea

of galaxies, of blue desert foam,

and everything is kawaii

perfect

moons

forever

anywayyyYYYYYYY\\yyYYyyyyyyyyyy.............

i am listening to spiral knights music
i have nevr felt this
relaxed
in a while
its making me sleepy
ohghhngngnnhhhh
and sad
and remembering
stuff

i wonder how much longer i will be alive
whether it will happen
hmmm
or not

astro boyyyyy

i am sleepy

after dinner i slept for 5 hours

but im still tired

and i forgot to have a shower

but im so not a morning shower person

i had a fucking stupid dream lul

lord i hate myself

can never please anyone

what do you want

nothing

okay

why cant i be andy

i am andy but..

no one lets me be andy

i cant be andy without mr fish

i will wait

shut up

i wish stuff would arrive in the mail

i get so depressed when i come home

and there is nothing on the outside table

fffffffffuck

im so sick of pretending to be nice to everyone

when really idgaf

i am pretending to talk on my phone

just so i can show off my yume nikki strap

lul

everything is perfectly placed

in life

but nothings perfect

^_^

im 17 in a week

ee thats so weird

i still feel like im 14..

well moon andy is 14

but andy on real earth is 17

yes

i want to make stuff

i want to paint more

i want to get better at things

do it then

i will

today i woke up early, at 6:48am

the house person for the house came and i stayed in my room with pudding

pudding has gotten fat its hilarious

look at hem

naww

so fat..

i went to school at 2pm for this presentation thing

it was so incredibly boring it went for like 40 mins

and we got 2 new fish..

mine is transparent and has black eyes, its name is creepy

im obsessed with pastel colors lately.

i just wanna wear pretty colorzzzz

today i FINALLY bought the american mcgee's alice figurine

i found it at a reasonable price and i had to get it

it was 100 dollars. its a 7 inch scale figure of alice

i dun gif fuk what anyone thinks.. ive been wanting it for a long time

because alice has played a special part in my life

urrr i sound weird

i want to get an american mcgees alice tattoo eventually

and yeah... shut up andy

not very flattering

i did an acrylic painting on canvas today.. coz i need to get better at it

i miss fishy i wish i could hug fishy and never stop hugging 

forever hugging

infinite

today some stuff arrived,

my friend chaice bought me a present and sent it in the mail

i love it sooo much

he is a little unicorn statue, i put my crown ring on his head and it fits perfectly

my nara yoshitomo "fuck" shirt came:

and a case for my new phone arrived yey

i bought this hat online yesterday, cannot wait for it to arrive:

it says go away and has a little watering can on it omg

so right now im working on my assignment.. its pretty bleeeeh

im doing it on same sex marriage and law and religion and shit

jfdskfjsdlkg

i had a weird dream lastnight

it made me miss fishy so so much because he was in it..

I WONDER IF FISHY READS THIS

EEEGGGG

still feelin liek shit

my throat hurtzzzz.. i wish i wasnt sick because im missing out on alot of school

and i dont like to get behind on stuff

my right eye is swollen for some reason

mum thinks it might be conjunctivitis so i hope not

or an inflamed tearduct or something 

rjg;lkjkdhfh